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One on One with The One

Curious about Lydia Rahman? Join our reporter Ira Renfrew as he interviews the lady of the moment in a moment of frenzy…

 

Define Lydia Rahman in a phrase. (*eyebrow raised) Or two?

A mass of contradictions. Highly complex wiring but simple deep down, really. Don’t get me started, mate…
 

What is the biggest misconception people have of you?

That I’m a snob who fancies herself a diva. Sombong.

(*throws hands up in despair) That is SO not true! I’m just very reserved, shy. I take a long time to warm up to people. I’m not the extremely sociable type, I’m hopeless at parties and such ghastly things. Not that I’m anti-social, but group outings just completely terrify me… I do like my personal space. But no, people, I am NOT aloof. So cut me some slack please?

Well the thing is, also, I’ve come a long way. I’ve failed so many times, been rejected so much that I could fill a telephone directory with all that… I wasn’t born lucky, beautiful, clever or insanely rich.

But throughout all these years, after all the dirt roads I’ve travelled on, I’ve come to realise that I have a right to be proud of what I’ve achieved. I earned all this, with the grace of God.

The only way for me to keep going and to keep pushing myself is to be confident about who I am, what I am, and the things I’m good at. My self-esteem is actually fragile, so I need to counter that problem by capitalising on my strengths. Unfortunately, that’s sometimes mistaken as an ego overdose.

I can’t please everyone… even though I always try to… It comes with the territory. So I please myself. Erm, that sounds wrong. But you know what I mean— I have to appreciate myself because I can’t count on other people to do that. As much as I’m a fan of soppy movie lines, nobody should ‘complete’ me.

You know there’s that Baz Lurhman song, Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen… He puts it very nicely: forget the insults, remember the compliments, and don’t read beauty magazines because they’ll only make you feel ugly.

 

What makes you happy?

Simple things, really.

Chinese chicken rice, salmon caviar, smoked salmon, salmon sashimi, deep-fried softshell crab, Beach Rd mamak mee goreng, prawns, wonton noodles… Oh you mean besides food? Well I love cooking for the men in my life too— that makes me happy. Haha ok.

Hmm what really made me very happy once was sitting in the car at East Coast with the man I love, eating something ‘tapao-ed’ from a hawker centre or feeding him good ‘ol home-cooked food. You know, just talking and spending time together… I miss that so much. Like I said, the simple things.

Now? A good, sharp suit. The water(either on or by it). Planes. Beautiful cars. Adrenaline rush. Travelling all over the world. Hmmm maybe I need to start dating James Bond…

 

What cheeses you off?

You really want to know? I’ll make a short list.

1) People who speak and write terrible English. No, it’s nothing personal nor meant to be condescending. It’s just…me. It’s really grating on the ears and to the eyes, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry sometimes. Bottomline: I’m not amused by bad English(that includes the band haha).

2) Fakes and posers. I think fake people are worse than people who can’t articulate their feelings very well(maybe because I fall in the latter category). Fake hugs, fake accents, fake handbags, fake hair, fake phone calls… I hate them all.

3) People who belittle me and who don’t take me seriously. Maybe they knew me at some unpolished point of my life, and they think I’m still the same way I was before… and so now they still don’t think much of me because of those past experiences. It’s not a matter of pride, it just hurts especially when you need a chance to start afresh or if those people matter to you and you need some of their faith to hold on to.

4) Men who think the world revolves around them, and those who treat women shabbily. I have this thing. I really hate men who psychologically abuse women. Abuse doesn’t have to be merely physical or sexual, it’s mostly psychological… For instance, I find that making a woman feel small, ugly, is the most common form of abuse. Sadly, women perpetuate this problem by raising sons who don’t respect women and women’s virtues; and also by being women who get into masochistic relationships, battered wives syndrome or no.

5) It may sound contradictory, but I hate men who are wimps. Not in the physical sense, but… For me, the man should be in control but the control must be wielded responsibly. Mummy’s boys are cute when you’re just going out or friends, but when it comes to the crunch and they cannot make decisions for themselves then it’s really pathetic. I have had experiences with spineless men who are literally afraid of their wives too(and these men are not the wiry sort who have wives physically bigger than them— in fact it’s the other way round!)… it’s so absurd, it’s not funny anymore.(*shakes head)

 

You’re a music affecionado and have a hugely varied taste. Any particular favourites?

If you were to ask me about English music, I’d say George Michael and Barbra Streisand are the most talented male and female artistes who ever lived, respectively. Of course there are more in between but I love their music so much… I can just lock myself up in a 2-by-4 cell and listen to all their songs for a year, and still go back for more.

George Michael has songs for every season and every imaginable position… erm. But really, from Ms Sarajevo to Freedom 90 to Jesus to A Child … so many different sensations, different auras, different approaches to lyrics. Yeah… his lyrics are absolutely fab, as is his voice.

Now Babs is really one wonderwoman; I would consider it one of my top missions to meet her at least once in this lifetime. It would be great if we could talk over tea and scones… I love scones haha. The reason why she’s so amazing(apart from her inimitable, eighth-wonder-of-the-world voice) is because she’s so successful as a lyricist, producer, politician(ish), songwriter, actress, director and movie producer. And she gets to snog Redford! Sigh.

As for Malay music, there’s nobody I fancy more than Kak Pah(Sharifah Aini). She’s like, the Malay Babs. She’s a real diva and rightfully so… I just love her songs and the emotions she exudes in them. She’s so consistently accomplished and should be made a grand example of. I think she’s The definitive Malay music icon, definitely!

Apart from these names I listed, my staple diets include jazz, ‘oldies’ from the 50s to 80s, alternative, classical, some pop, Arabic, Mandopop, J-pop… I also like Matchbox 20, Erasure, Roy Orbison, Elton John, Carpenters, Sir Paul, Anita Baker, Blur, Alanis Morisette, Culture Club(yeah yeah, I know…), Alison Moyet, U2, Robert Palmer, Simply Red, Frank Sinatra, Jars of Clay, Hall & Oates.

And Malay artistes I love are the late Ahmad Daud, Uji Rashid, Sanisah Huri, the late A Ramlie(he’s a Malay Roy Orbison), Nassier Wahab, DJ Dave, Rina Rahman, Chrisye.

I always say that the easiest way to know me is to take a look at my playlist(and my writings, of course). It’s a sum of what I am— some days laidback, some days soppy ballads, some days intense alternative, some days boyband groupie, some days angry young lady. What can I say, my life is music.

 

What do you do on a normal day?

What does ‘normal’ mean? I’m hardly normal, I’m quite bizarre… so I never have any ‘normal’ days! Seriously? It’s hard to say. Sometimes I go to school for lectures and tutorials(just like any other law student) and then I go gallivanting to work, socialise over lunch, worry about my finances, practice my shooting, go window-shopping, waste time on the internet, engage in sports, sleep, think.

Some days are so packed with these crazy activities, but some days I lead the regular bum life. Bed or couch… you know.

I watch certain TV dramas religiously, old or new— mostly local Chinese serials(I don’t like foreign ones), and then stuff like Gray’s Anatomy, Nip/Tuck, Scrubs, Kitchen Confidential, Jonny Zero, Gilmore Girls, Friends, Becker, Golden Girls, JAG, Boston Legal, OC… and of course, FRASIER.

I am absolutelymadlytotallyinsanely into Frasier! He’s so hot lah. I’m so attracted to his character and the brill script… Kelsey Grammer may be a helluva messed up bloke, but he’s a genius on this. I’d like to meet him for tea someday, just for fun… but I’d like to date Frasier Krane hehee.

For some strange reason, I never seem to be able to turn in earlier than 3am… whether I have pressing work to do or not. So a normal day usually ends about 4 or 5am, although sometimes I don’t sleep at all. Those are the days I declare Tylenol as my best friend.

 

Is there a function to your writings?

Of course! Firstly, it’s an outlet for me. All this passion, the emotions and the tribulations have to be channelled somewhere…otherwise I would just explode! I don’t drink, smoke, gamble or go clubbing so sports and writing are the only ways I vent. So more than anything, I write for me. Not anyone else.

Second, with my traditional stuff, I write because I feel a very pressing need to revive the Malay traditions and culture because there’s a very latent threat of it dying out soon, for good. I want to be that bridge between the young and the old, to make the young see that it’s not so bad…

Something like pantun, for instance. I want them to see the beauty of pantun and get them interested by showing that it can be relevant to them, and that it doesn’t take a PhD to write good pantuns if they’d just work a little at it. That they shouldn’t let it die out just like that. And to the older generation, I hope to raise awareness of youth issues, perspectives and emotions through ‘their’ medium— pantun.

In the words of the late Sudirman, “Aku lah penyambung warisan”…

Third, with my English writing, I hope to bring Singapore to the world stage. For centuries, English literature has revolved around thoughts, feelings and experiences of Americans, Englishmen, Africans, Frenchmen, Indians, Palestinians, Chinese… it’s time the world got to know Singaporeans.

To put it in context, an atypical Singaporean Malay, specifically. Someone like myself.

 

Do you think you’ve achieved impacting society with your writing?

I don’t think so. Not yet. I’m not big yet, at all… because in this society, you need to be a pretty boy/girl or appeal to base human instincts to succeed. To make people sit up and notice, go crazy. It helps that I’ve gotten a little help from entities such as NAC(to publish my first book) and NLB(to have my book in stock at the libraries nationwide). I really appreciate that, because it’s these small gestures that give me hope, these things that keep me going.

But other than that, response from the general public and other entities like the media, schools etc has been very disheartening. It’s almost hopeless, because I don’t sell sex and scandals— I sell pantuns.

It’s an automatic handicap. It’s actually quite a simple equation— get the young interested and exposed to pantuns in school, for instance, and it will all work out in the long run.

But the excuses I get from schools, is that the students are not interested in pantun. Like duh. I KNOW they’re not interested, that’s why we have to get them interested or at the very least, exposed! I just don’t understand their circular rationale… but the allergy the Malay society has to all things intellectual(as opposed to entertainment-based) is really a huge obstacle for me in my cause. It’s like a raging battle with my inner demons every day.

I keep fighting with myself… I want to go on with my cause, but I get put down so much that I want to just give up and empty my cartons of books into the sea.

I don’t know, maybe I just need to work harder to achieve my mission. Because I know it’s one long road, driving with one headlight(no offence to Jacob Dylan)… I only take comfort in knowing that the Prophet(pbuh) himself was shunned by his people when he first started spreading the message… Perhaps people will appreciate my efforts when I’m long dead. Maybe.

 

How would you describe your writing?

I’m a bit of a tease, in all sense of the word. So I don’t like to say things outright, I prefer letting people figure it out for themselves and derive that wicked pleasure through their own intellect or hard work. Yeah… I like to think my readers are intellectual, and I’m sure they are.

Hence my pantuns. If you noticed, my pantuns are mostly carefully crafted to achieve that desired effect— of having duality of metaphorical and literal meanings. My poetry too. It’s really fun, but hard work. I’m told I’m a master of innuendos too… haha. But I reckon they can get rather lame sometimes. And give the wrong impression!

I love writing, and I write faster than I think sometimes… I was just born to write, I suffer from cacoethes scribendi(it’s a Latin term). But I have a lot to learn, especially technically… I hate technicalities, though. That’s why I suppose some people think I’m too raw. Which can be a good and bad thing. (*shrugs shoulders). 

 

Do you have any heroes you emulate? Role-models?

I have different role-models in different spheres. For instance, in the political sphere I desire to emulate PM Lee, who’s my ouxiang because he’s the perfectest balance of East and West, right and left brain, and whose hands I know Singapore is extremely safe in.

Success-wise, there’s a dear friend of mine whom I really admire even though I don’t quite say it(to him). We go back about 8 years, and in that time he has risen from just a voice on radio to a public figure who champions social/religious causes, who heads successful business entities and is the epitome of professionalism. Yet he’s always there for me, just an SMS away, whenever I need somebody to cheer me up or something.

Generally, I like balances and variety… and I try to attain them. So I try emulating these people who have succeeded in doing so.

 

What do you think is your main strength? Weakness?

My main strength is that I’m SO resilient… I bounce back rather quick. I get rejected at one door, I move on to knock at the next door of opportunity in an instant. Sometimes I come back to that first door and knock again, get myself thrown out into the streets and come back again…especially if I know I can do it and just need somebody to give me a chance.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t—you never know. But I keep trying because you see, ugly people have to work harder to succeed in life.(*shrugs)

My main weakness… That I’m commitment phobic when it comes to relationships? Haha. Naah. Well, I have a terrible retail addiction problem. I can never get enough of clothes and fragrances, not so much shoes though. My wardrobe is bursting yet I keep buying more clothes, I’m incorrigible. Somebody should take away my Visa from me!

Everytime I have money, I just go out and spend on these suits and skirts and god knows what else…and then I have to eat biscuits for the rest of the month. I spend a lot on things I love doing, so club memberships, quick getaways with my similarly-insane best friend of 18 years, courses and some activity or another always bleed me dry.

Plus, ever since I discovered the immense euphoria of wearing tailored clothes, I now have my tailor on speed dial.

 

What are your plans for the future?

I have too may plans… I do have concrete plans lined up for the near future, given the required sponsorship, media support and technical expertise I would need. Stuff like a seminar/conference, a monthly newspaper with a lingual slant(it’s a secret) and I’m working on my next book—an English fiction— which has actually been ready for almost 2years but I just haven’t been able to get it all together and tie up loose ends for me to approach a publisher.

But in the bigger scheme of things, mostly I want to strike out on my own after graduating, as I have too many business ideas that I want to explore with my best friend. Hopefully, I can capitalise on my skills set and strengths to earn an honest living MY WAY.

And I want to travel the world to gain experience living and working in different countries. So far I’ve lived and worked in the US and in KL… next on my list hopefully, would be Canada, Russia, China, the UK and maybe Palestine or Iraq. I believe that after a decade or so of this, I can safely say that I would have the right mix of experience to try for a national leadership position by that time, God-willing.

Either that, or I run away to join the air force. (*grins)

 

Do you have a motto?

Erm… “Live fast, die young, tease to kill and pump up the ego”? That’s what it says on my Friendster profile anyway!…hahaha.

Honestly, I need to live life in the fast lane. Because I don’t believe in wasting my youth by being static and ordinary. What is the point of living if I’m just a face in the crowd going through the motions, just a number, a statistic? I want to experience as many things as length, breadth and height go, because experience is the best teacher. Good or bad, it all boils down to experience and failure to complete the learning process.

Hopefully at the same time, I leave a legacy and make a difference by the time I’m gone.

Listen to the interview audio clip!

 

Like what you hear? Hit The One at boss@lydiarahman.com to get in touch.